Aren’t you happy

Aren’t you happy?

To be here among riches

To fall asleep knowing that tomorrow

You can get just what you crave

You can jump on a train

And find yourself miles away

Get on and off planes

Get a coffee

Attend a concert

Feel the pressure of moving

At each coming holiday

Because why would you limit yourself

When nothing limits you

Aren’t you happy of your privileges?

Of going round and round

Trying and failing at fitting in

Unsure of your next move

Falling asleep on your sweet bed

But waking up, panicky

Worried about petty things

What if they forget?

The way you laugh

The way you would toss aside

Every single bean on your plate

The way you would travel back and forth

From college each day

Because it was too hard to stay away

What if they forget that you were ever there?

Maybe you’re just teaching them

How to live without you

Or you worry about big things

What if they are not safe?

What if they are not there waiting for you

When you finally go back

What if you find an empty house

The echo of laughter that long vanished

Rubbles where once love was

But isn’t solitude a small price to pay

For safe streets, light that never goes off

Screams that don’t stem from fear

Loud noises that aren’t that of gunshots

Home is a killing ground

At home, when you go out

You might never come back

Home will charm you with fleeting laughs

While slowly choking your dreams

Home is a prison

Where you’re left to die

But it is also a song that you recognize

Morning coffee, food that you secretly hate

But that you miss when you’re away

Streets where you fell in love

Secret spots where you were first kissed

Dark rooms where you learned to desire

Home is this place that you never stop to love

Even after it takes everything from you

So no, I’m not happy

I long for home a thousand times over

But I smile and pretend

A thousand more

I’m more torn than you’ll ever guess

But I play the part, don’t I?

Aren’t you happy?

Magdalee Brunache

“Nostalgia”, Painting by Rajasekharan Parameswaran

One response to “Aren’t you happy”

  1. that could be 3 songs!!! I love it!! Keep it up Maggie!!


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