Impostor

Once I was exceptional

I could read in their eyes

How bright I shone

The endless praises

Lifted my heart

Made me dread

An ordinary life

Only being grandiose

Would justify me

If it was part of a great

Godly plan

Than it would finally

Make sense

Why entire families

Were reshaped around me

Why he caused so much hurt

Because he wouldn’t leave me

I was born a mistake

The hair on the damn soup

Not the boy she wanted

The girl he didn’t yet have

Who came against his will

Her body was never the same

His heart had never been hers

I was the lifeline

The slim thread holding

This shaky world in place

Theirs is a story

We’ve all heard before

There I was

Craving a kind of love

I’d never seen

There were clauses

Fine prints

Expectations

That I struggled to meet

Here I am now

Wondering at times

Am I just another pretty girl

With daddy issues?

I am a woman

Carrying her wounds buried

Afraid to get too attached to life

Never feeling deserving of it

A woman who loves too much

A woman afraid of her words

Afraid of her own self

So scared of falling short

That though you see her standing tall

Nurses a little girl curled up inside

Just wanting it all to stop

Before it eventually happens

Before the whole world finally sees

What she suspected all along:

She wasn’t worth the trouble

Once she was exceptional

But she doesn’t know

Who she is anymore

Still she’s learning

Learning to love

The beautiful mess

That life made of her

Learning that she has

Nothing to prove

That not being wanted once

Doesn’t mean that

She will never be

Magdalee Brunache